ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
