shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
