I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I could make wine with my vomit
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
