and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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