last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
