6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize