He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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