i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
