Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
