Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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