Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
