girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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