I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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