the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
