I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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