I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
