How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
