Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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