I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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