I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You did what with his pubic hair?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
