How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
