just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
