Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
