If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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