It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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