i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I would fuck him just for his dog
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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