Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
