And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize
