Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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