You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
do nipples grow back?
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