Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
