oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
