lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
