we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
