last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
