I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize