The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
