i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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