Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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