i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
