i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
