I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize