we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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