i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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