he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
