Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We got so high we made milksteak
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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