wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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