Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
