you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
