I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We're using joints as your birthday candles
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
