I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
