Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
