how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
