Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
