Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
