After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
