Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize