I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
