You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
