laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This baby is an asshole
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
