YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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