Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
