A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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