Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
