Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
