There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
this will be a night to untag.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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