seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
