The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
