I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
