1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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