i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
