so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
