i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
