Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
