All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
