There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
