i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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