dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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