Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
