they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
