I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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