My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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