and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
