What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
