i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
