i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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