I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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