If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
