maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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