Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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